230 Fifth - Malaysian Monster Madness!!!!

230 Fifth
http://www.230-fifth.com
230 5th Avenue
New York, NY 10001

THE CONQUEST
I'm sitting at my desk the other day putting together VIP ticketing proposals when I get an email, sent to everyone in our office from my co-worker, Mike Smith.

**
Subject: Suit Up, Fine Humans

To Those Concerned (that's all of you):

On this Thursday, April 29th, I intend to institute the inaugural Artist Arena Suit It or Lose it Dress Up Day. While I love the casual dress code we've got around here, every once in awhile I like to pretend I'm all growns up by putting on nice clothes. On Thursday, I will be in full regalia, suit and tie and all. I invite all of you to join me. Anyone who does not will be required to work downstairs with Jimmy at his desk. Good luck getting anything done with him shouting in your ear about Mark Teixeira's batting average all day.

Everyone who dresses up will be invited to join me at 230 Fifth. It's an upscale bar on 5th ave with a dress code (collared shirts, no sneakers, no shorts, etc). So if you do not dress up, you won't be able to join the rest of your cohorts at Happy Hour. See how that works?

It's fun to look classy for a day. It's bad to do it for more than that, so take this chance. If you feel too dressed up on Thursday, you can always come to work on Friday unshowered in sweatpants and a frayed O-Town t-shirt to balance it out.
**

This is an odd request coming from Mike. When not riding around on a Voltron Lion wearing a jockey outfit, Mike is normally sporting jeans and a Phillies t-shirt. What makes it even more strange is that Mike is really internetally challenged. He has no Myspace, Facebook or Twitter account. You won't find him any where in the www.world. In fact, I didn't even know that he knew how to use email! I assumed the message was merely spam and I went back about my day.

Then comes Thursday, April 29th and more than half of my co-workers at Artist Arena are walking around suits and various forms of dress clothing. Me, I was rocking my standard outfit: a polo shirt, jeans and Vans sneakers (FYI - I ONLY wear Vans) so there was no way for me to join in the after work fun. I popped onto the 230 Fifth website only to discover Mike's translation of the dress code was grossly misrepresented. In fact, right there in plain English are the words "Nice dress jeans, sneakers and a collared polo shirt are fine." As I sat cursing Mike's name for duping me, I saw the following menu item:

Romli ("Hamburger") Sliders - Kuala Lumpur's famous spiced beef sliders, chili sauce, aioli, pickled cucumbers.

I knew what had to be done. Calling Bull Shit, I left the office on my lunch break and bought a very smart, stylish and handsome looking tie. With all the sophistication and class in the world, I put it on over my polo. At the end of the day I joined the rest of my well dress co-workers and Mike for an event I am now calling the...

"Artist Arena roof-top black tie party to benefit Mike Smith's Internet Profile.com"

230 Fifth is a Penthouse lounge and bar with a roof top garden plunk down right in NYC's Flatiron district. Enter into the office building and the line forms to the right. Open from 4 pm to 4 am, 230 Fifth is known as one of NYC' premier roof top bars open 365 days a year. In the winter the garden is kept warm with heat lamps. They even offer patrons use of their signature red fleeces. I didn't know this before I arrived and definitely asked out loud "why are all these people wearing red snuggies? Is this some cult I wasn't warned about?"

The views from atop the building are stunning. The garden spans the entire north side of the building. You can see the Hudson river from the West, midtown to the North and Flatiron / Grammercy to the East. It's dead center on the lower half of Manhattan and definitely worth a visit and a cocktail. The crowd is a mixture but mostly young professionals and executives. 230 Fifth is a popular place for private parties, especially in the entertainment business. You can see a list of them on the website. We were lucky enough to attend a gathering of New York's movie baddies. Celebrity sightings included King Kong, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man and the Cloverfield Monster.



THE BURGER
Once our prom party was show to our tables, I ordered a glass of Scotch to start the festivities. As soon as we were settled in, I ordered the Romli ("Hamburger") Sliders. They arrived so quickly that I am wondering if they are pre-made or they knew they were in the midst of someone as Burger Famous as I am. I actually never found out, so we'll stick with the latter. Before we get into what my taste buds will tell you, let's discuss "Romli." Methinks this is a misspelling but it's based on a Ramly Burger, a popular met burger served in Singapore. But here is the crazy part...they're illegal there so they are smuggled in!

Onto the review. First off all, these are not "sliders" and in fact they fall under the category of mini-burgers. (For an education on burger types, please read this in depth explanation from A Hamburger Today.) The patty, although small, was still quite thick, which automatically removes it from the slider category.

They came on small potato rolls, which gets 230 Fifth a point because potato rolls are AWESOME. I pulled off the cucumbers (YUCK!) and bit in. Whoa! Not what I was expecting AT ALL. The chili sauce and aioli took a surprisingly back seat to the flavor of the meat. While it was not juicy or greasy, it was a carnival of flavors. It had a really distinct spicy taste coming from the curry powder and pepper mixed into the meat. It took me back and I had to go into a 2nd bite with a clear mind. The best I can describe the flavor would be to compare to that of peppered lamb meat more commonly used in gyros. It was quite good and the fact that it didn't have cheese didn't even occur to me until right now. Unfortunately they were cooked a little more than I would have liked and due to the windy and crowded rooftop, a little cold.

Does anyone else know where there might be a place in or near NYC that serves Ramly style burgers? I totally understand the Singaporean obsession and now know why NYC's finest baddies are clamoring to get into 230 Fifth!


7 out of 10 ounces
-Rev




Looking good!

Fool Yelp Once, Shame on Me. Fool Yelp Twice And Marvin Is Coming For You

Yelp.com
http://burgerconquest.yelp.com

I'm 36 and my Mom is still right about me...I don't listen.

On April 16th, 2010 I got an email from Yelp.com warning me that I was abusing their Terms of Service. Some of my pals out there in the Burgersphere suggested I make a few changes to my account so that I could still use it to promote this site. Then I got this email last night:

**
I'm writing to let you know that your account was flagged by the Yelp community, and our Support team has determined that there are promotional aspects to your account which currently violate our Terms of Service (http://www.yelp.com/static?p=tos).

Personal accounts cannot be used to promote another business, website or blog. As such, we'd greatly appreciate it if you could amend your username, nickname, headline and photo, so that it no longer promotes your blog by Monday 3rd May '10, otherwise we may have to close your account. The references to your blog that you've included in your reviews are also problematic and will need to be removed by the same date.

Please note that you are welcome to post a link in your profile under "My Blog or Website", but links placed within reviews or outside of that space appear as promotional content and are in violation of Yelp's TOS (http://www.yelp.com/static?p=tos).

Regards,
Marvin
**

I can admit when I did something wrong. I have no shame in that. So after being Yelped at like a insolent child, I changed the profile this morning.

http://burgerconquest.yelp.com

I hope your happy with the changes

Rev

How I see Marvin in my head...Nightmare on Yelp Street.

Angel's Stadium - Twitter Rally

Angel Stadium Of Anaheim
http://angels.mlb.com
2000 E Gene Autry Way
Anaheim, CA 92806

THE CONQUEST
The full potential of the internet has still yet to be reached, however, I may have achieved a new level of dynamic capabilities with the Burger Conquest twitter account. One tweet I recently posted has lead me to belief that Twitter is more powerful than money. Follow me. On April 5th I posted the following in a tweet: "Looking to burger conquest Anaheim @Angels stadium this week. Anyone have a ticketing hook up? Will trade for burgers!" Within a few moments Josh from Old Shoe Records hit me back with a 4 ticket hook up! See the logic? Twitter is free, I posted a request, I got tickets that people would normally pay for, for free! Therefore making Twitter more powerful than money.

Having said that, I treated Josh and some pals to a Burger Conquest party at In-N-Out Burger as a token of my appreciation.

My anticipation for baseball season to begin was at an all time career high. Last season, I chowed down at 7 different stadiums including 5 trips to Yankee's stadium. Baseball gets it. Foodies like the sport too and are willing to drop coin on tasty treats while enjoying America's favorite past time. Baseball stadiums, more than any other sport, have really made an effort to offer a wide array of food options for people like me. Do I care about the game? Yeah. Would I care as much if they served the same boring old stadium eats? NOPE...FEED ME. It's been a long winter and this Yankees fan was anxious to come out of Burger hibernation. When I found out I was heading to Los Angeles for the Revolver Golden Gods awards, I immediately search the Anaheim Angels home schedule. Yes! They were playing the Minnesota Twins the night before the awards show.

Tom, Zach and I, met Josh in the parking lot of the Carls Jr across the street from the stadium, grabbed the tickets and made our way into the stadium. Our buddy Kurt showed up a little later and got me all excited as he instantly demanded churros.

THE DIGESTIONS
After entering and receiving our promotional wool caps, we made a quick b-line to the nearest beer stand. Tom got the first round and also picked up a bag of peanuts. I mean seriously, is there anything more definably baseball then shelling open several handfuls of roasted peanuts while sipping a beer in your seats?!??!?

Roasted peanuts
-7 out of 10

I couldn't take it anymore and ran out to the front of the stadium and got in line for Clyde Wright's bar-B-Que. A former left-handed pitcher for the Angels, retired and returned but not to play, he came back to serve Tennessee (his home state) style BBQ to Angel's fans. While waiting in line I became mesmerized by the man whose sole job it was to stand in a Pope protective style booth and slice meat!! It made me want more than one sandwich. Both ended up being pretty tasty but the brisket was better. Be sure to put some BBQ sauce on the sandwiches as the meat is a little more dry than I prefer.

Pulled Pork Sandwich
-7 out of 10
Brisket Sandwich
-8 out of 10



Yeah baby...CHURROS!! If you've never had one, you are missing out. Churros are a Spanish pastry made from fried dough. They're crispy on the outside, soft in the middle and covered in sugar and cinnamon. Thumbs up to Kurt for ordering them and thumbs up on the taste!

Churro
-8 out of 10

As I was putting the final move on my churro, I looked at the guys and said "I know where I am getting a burger at this game. I pointed to the section of the stadium behind the field and above the waterfall. Located there was a Ruby's Diner. I would normally save my Ruby's burger experience for my pre-Continental flight tradition, but this was a special occasion.

As I was getting ready to walk over for a burger, I was distracted by a loud voice. It was yelling "Hot dogs! Get your hot dogs!!" The power of suggestion was too difficult to ignore and I ordered 2.

Angel's Stadium Hot Dog
-7 out of 10

While I fully intended to get a Ruby's burger, I became even more distracted by something more compelling than beef shaving and hot dog caterwauling...the Anaheim Angel's Rally Monkey. The Rally Monkey first "jumped" onto the scene in June of 2000 when video crew members were trying to amp the crowd. They showed a clip of a jumping monkey from "Ace Ventura, Pet Detective" and the crowd went crazy. Soon after the Angels hired "Katie" a capuchin monkey from the TV show "Friends" and the Rally Monkey has been a baseball sensation since. We got so engrossed with the Rally Monkey that by the time I realized I forgot to get my Ruby's burger, the game was over. On the way out of the stadium I bought the Rally Monkey obsessed Zach, his very own souvenir version of Katie.


Need an awesome, complete waste of time? Watch these Rally Monkey videos.
Rally Monkey on Gilligan's Island
Rally Monkey in Psycho
Rally Monkey in Jaws
Rally Monkey in Borat
Rally Monkey in Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Rally Monkey in Austin Powers
Rally Monkey in Space Balls

Now all we need is to get the Rally Monkey to go on a Burger Conquest!!!!

Boo-kies - A Wacko Circus Bachelor Party

Boo-Kies
http://www.facebook.com/bookies?ref=fs#!/pages/Burlington-VT/BooKies-Burgers-and-More/177804825297?ref=search&sid=502857812.1739102076..1
Church Street Market Place
http://www.churchstmarketplace.com
Burlington, VT, 05401

THE CONQUEST
The Church Street Market Place - Home to Burlington, VT's most popular shopping district, my friend Kyle’s bachelor party and the famous Boo-Kies. I had heard some pretty amazing things about the burger served from this one man sized stand located in the middle of the street and had filed under “to do.” While recently in Burlington, VT for said stag event, I took the 3 hours I had in town before the rest of the man crew arrived to sample.

The story goes like this. Kyle sends out an email invite to his bachelor party. The plan is to meet in midtown Manhattan and jump in a rental van. From there the fun began and so did the 6 to 8 hour drive North. 2 days before the trip was to begin I received a casting call from Twins Talent. They wanted me and joeC from Steak Club 7 to audition for a TV show about food and travel. I knew I couldn’t pass the opportunity so I not only said yes but also had to book a flight to Burlington. joeC and I nailed the casting and are waiting for the phone call to let us know when filming begins.

After the taping, I hopped in a car and sped off to LaGuardia airport where my “Burger Conquest Private Jet” was waiting. A mere 75 minutes later, I arrived, Burger Stylin' out, in what Kyle affectionately refers to as “Beerlington.” Kyle’s brother Jacob picked me up at the airport and we headed straight for Boo-Kies.



Open from April 1st through New Year's Eve, Boo-Kies has been in business for 7 years, sitting daily (rain permitting), at the intersection of Church and Bank Streets. Owner Dave Stoll opens up every morning at 8 am with 30 farm fresh eggs and bucket of his freshly ground beef from Macauley Wholesale Meats. Using a #8 ice cream scooper, Dave Stoll, spoons out a ball of meat and whacks it onto the 30-year seasoned griddle . A few minutes later and you’re sinking your teeth into an American Classic. Dave Stoll works until he runs out of beef (or until about 5pm, whichever comes first) and then closes shop. Breakfast sandwiches, are somewhat of a sensation in Burlington (See: Kountry Kart Deli Rise and Shiner), so the eggs go fast. Dave would carry more but that’s all he has room for in the little fridge. Along with Brats, Sausages, Dogs, Sauerkraut and French Fries and more, Boo-Kies also serves the famous “Boo-Kie Bowl.” This home grown creation features fries topped with a grilled burger patty and brown gravy. It’s combination Atkins sandwich meets Canadian Poutine. With only one shot at Boo-Kies before the Douche Patrol showed up, I opted to just get a plain old cheese burger.

THE BURGER
The pleasant and welcoming John Smith greeted me with a smile and the kind of energy that only someone who loves what they do can emanate. I ordered by cheese burger and began snapping pictures. John Smith began to tell me about the cart, the food and the process. He also invited me to take as many pictures as I liked. Gotta love a blogger friendly restaurateur!

A few moments later and I was handed the prized Boo-Kie burger. On the front of the cart there is a bowl for relish, onions and pickles as well as ketchup, hot sauce and mustard. Other than that, there are no other condiments available. I added a small spoonful of onions as well a small dollop of mustard. With no delay, I peeled back the tin foil and sunk my chompers right in. The burger was hot, juicy and delicious. The fresh meat had a great natural beef taste and the grinding process used at Boo-Kies gives the patty a grainy texture. In between a fresh roll, this little diddy from the North is pleasing to the taste.

Jacob, who was forgoing his diet for the bachelor weekend, went off the deep end, kicking in his weekend with a Boo-Kie bowl. I almost didn’t know what to do. It’s such a simple creation and yet still spectacular. The sliced potatoes are fried right in the cart, salted and placed in the basket. Once topped with a beef patty and gravy, it’s in your hands from the griddle in less than 5 seconds. Thankfully Jacob let me try a bite (or two or three). It was just fantastic. The beef was great, the fries were crispy and the gravy was savory yet slightly smoky. It’s a truly winning combination.


8 out of 10 ounces
-Rev





From parking the car, to ordering, to eating, the total time spent was less than 20 minutes. That left us 2.5 hours to kill until the van from NYC was set to arrive. Jacob asked me what I wanted to do and with no hesitation whatsoever, I answered “Let’s take the Magic Hat Brewery tour!” Jacob nodded in consent and we were on our way.

Magic Hat Brewery
http://www.magichat.net
5 Bartlett Bay Road
South Burlington, VT 05403-7727

I am weeks away from opening a bar in NYC’s East Village along with Kyle and some other friends, called “Idle Hands Bar.” It’s a rock and roll speakeasy that we’ve tagged “Bourbon.Beer.Rock.” We’re going to serve the best in all 3 with a focus on craft brews, bourbons and great rock music. I’m In charge of the beer menu which I plan on rotating often while featuring microbrews from around the world. In my beer travels, I’ve found The Magic Hat Brewery to be one of America’s most unique. Something something something Magic Hat…

Unfortunately Jacob and I missed the last guided tour of the day. However, at the Magic Hat Brewery, that’s not an issue. The brewery itself allows visitors to walk through of their own accord. Once your finished meandering about the strangely decorated plant, stop back into the store and try some beer. Why not? IT’S FREE AND YOU CAN HAVE AS MUCH AS YOU LIKE…which is exactly what we did!! While all the Magic Hat brews are special and great in their own way, here is a brief review of my 2 favorites:

THE BREWS

WACKO
http://www.magichat.net/wacko
- Summer Seasonal
- 4.50% ABV
- Brewed w/ beet sugar, pale malts, Columbus hops, fermented with an English Ale strain.

REV SAYS -It’s a little sweet with an odd smattering of spicy flavors that you can’t quite put your finger on. Can’t say I could drink this for an entire day but if you want a sixer of something unique, try this beer.

CIRCUS BOY
http://www.magichat.net/elixirs/circus_boy
- American Hefeweizen
- 4.50% ABV

REV SAYS - This is Magic Hat’s Hefeweizen. also known as an American Pale Wheat Ale. Its crisp, bold and smells of delicious fruits and malts. The Magic Hat Brewery, never to have a boring brew, makes sure that the Circus Boy is just a little more freaky than everyone else. But they say that’s all in the name.

2nd Ave Deli vs Kat'z Deli Food Wars - Who Eats Pastrami at 8 in the Morning?

2nd Ave Deli
http://www.2ndavedeli.com
162 East 33rd Street
New York, NY 10016

Katz Deli
http://www.katzdeli.com
205 East Houston Street
New York, NY 10002-1098

THE CONQUEST
Back in early March I got asked to participate in the taping of the new Travel Channel show, Food Wars featuring my good pals in the Grill 'Em All Burger truck. The episode has yet to air but will very soon. Since the taping, other episodes featuring battles between famous food landmarks all over the US have gone down. Yesterday's episode finally had the show come here to NYC for a battle of pastrami sandwiches. The war pitted Katz's Deli against 2nd Ave Deli for the title of best pastrami sandwich in New York.

Katz's Deli, opened in 1888 and achieved world-wide fame from a scene in featuring Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan in the movie "When Harry Met Sally." Katz's is the original and the place that created and defined NY Deli pastrami sandwich. Using a recipe that's over 121 years old, they dry cure their meat, preparing every single thick-cut slice by hand. The process creates a smokey, juicy, pepper rubbed slice of delicious pastrami.

More than half a decade later, the 2nd Ave Deli popped onto the pastrami scene in 1954 about 12 blocks away in NYC's Greenwich village. Unaffordable rents caused them to move in 2007 to their current location at 33rd St Street and 3rd avenue. The 2nd Ave Deli serves their specially seasoned pastrami thinly sliced like you would get deli meat for sandwiches. They're recipe does not call for a pepper rub like Katz's, choosing to focus more on the natural beef flavors. While the 2 delis are no longer "close" the rivalry is still hot.

While watching the 2 deli's battle it out for the title, a hunger began to grow deep in my belly. During the broadcast I tweeted "Watching NYC Pastrami battle on @Food_Wars & said to @hellskitten "I would get in a cab right now if you wanted Katz." I was absolutely serious. Thankfully Cara was able to keep me planted in the house.

But we all know, you can't keep a hungry man down!!! So, while out on my early morning bike ride (AKA "revrides2010") I decided to stop by both for a Burger Conquest signature "left hand grab," "Bike Famous" photo. Katz's was unfortunately closed at 7:45 AM but 2nd Ave Deli was open. My hunger got the best of me and let curiosity killed the cow.



THE PASTRAMI
Let me start by saying, if you want to get a great deli meal without being bothered by anyone else, hit 2nd Ave Deli in the AM. I was the ONLY person in the place, allowing general manager, Steve Cohen to not only wait on me but strike up some friendly conversation.

I had intended to get a pastrami omelet since it was early AM but there was no denying my fave order - 1/2 pastrami sandwich and chicken motzoh ball soup. Moments later Steve returned with a piping hot bowl of soup complete with noodles, carrots, dill and one big honking matzoh ball. The soup came in a metal ladel which Steve poured over the contents right in front of me. With no delay I began to slurp up the overflowing bowl of hot goodness. All the flavors in the soup were very mild but danced nicely around each other so as not to overpower any one particular taste. Without a doubt, some of the best Matzoh soup I've ever had in this great city.

Steve asked if I wanted to finish it before he brought out the sandwich. I told him to please not delay...I wanted my pastrami! In less than a New York moment, a large pile of thinly sliced pastrami between 2 slices of fresh rye bread arrived accompanied by a vat of 2nd Ave Deli mustard. As much as I love mustard on my pastrami sandwich, I made sure to try a bite without. The rye was fresh and soft with a sturdy yet not too hard crust. The meat was so thinly sliced that it looked like Irish bacon. One bite revealed a naturally juicy, cured-beef flavor. As much as I tried to go it slow, I plowed through the sandwich in only a few bites. It's a damn good sandwich well worth it's weight in channukah gelt.

While I made my way through the food, I had a chance to chitchat with Steve. We talked about the difference in my neighborhood of Hell's Kitchen now and back in the 60s. We did the same for my hometown of Detroit. Steve inquired about my profession and when I told him I was in the music business, his eyes lit up. "You have to check out this local group Ravens and Chimes. They're very hard working, handle all of their booking and are quite a good group." He went as far as to write down the band's name next to his own on a 2nd Ave Deli business card that he handed to me. Thanks Steve, I did check them out and I dig it. By telling me about them, you just made Ravens and Chimes Burger Famous!

I had never been to 2nd Ave Deli before so this was a first. However, I am a huge fan of Katz's. It's a New York staple and one I try to hit a couple of times of year. I pulled out pictures from my last visit this past January 29, 2010 so you could have a side by side photo comparison. Unfortunately the picture quality is not the same as I have since upgraded my blackberry.

Left = 2nd Ave Deli pastrami sandwich / Right = Katz's Deli pastrami sandwich


Left = 2nd Ave Deli Matzoh ball soup / Right = Katz's Deli Matzo ball soup


So who has the best pastrami sandwich in New York? They're both fantastic and worth your staging your own Food War over. You can also tune into the episode of "Food Wars" on the Travel Channel to see which "officially" won. If you're asking me who I think wins...the answer is ME!

Yelp - How Dare I!?!??!?

Yelp
http://www.yelp.com/user_details?userid=a5gt6syDC0f6wjNszXaeew

You're all familiar with yelp.com right? It's a user generated guide to bars, clubs, restaurants, theaters, and other places of business. It's really easy to use and in general, the user base is socially even and easy to relate too. I recently signed up for a Burger Conquest account thinking it would be a great way to connect with other foodies and enthusiasts in the glorious pursuit of delicious burgers. Turns out I was right! Quickly made friends with a lot of people and started sharing my Burger Conquest reviews on the site. It made for a great social networking tool.

Just when I thought it was all glitter and unicorns, I got the following email:

*****
"Hi there,

Welcome!! Just wanted to reach out and welcome you to Yelp...I dig your first coupla of reviews and your blog is really cool, too!

I realize you might not have known, but Yelp discourages people from linking to their personal blogs in each of their reviews...it's along the lines of using the site for promotional purposes, which violates our Terms Of Service. No worries...you probably had no idea since you just joined and these are some of your very first reviews!

Feel free to copy and paste the reviews verbatim from your site to Yelp, but just try to avoid linking to the blog in each one.

For more info, please check out our TOS:
http://www.yelp.com/static?p=tos

If you have any questions, please let me know. I am the Community Manger here and I'd be happy to help!

Cheers,
Jane"
*****

While it was a very understanding and friendly way to approach a slap on the wrist, as of today, I will no longer be posting ANYTHING on Yelp.com. You want to hear what everyone else has to say, go there and read. It's great. If you want the real-deal, low-down, 411 on burger greatness, you got 4 options;

1. Burger Conquest RSS
2. Burger Conquest Twitter
3. Burger Conquest Facebook
4. Book mark Burger Conquest and click daily

In the famous words of Simone, "Au Revoir" Yelp.

KFC Double Down - I Was Drunk And My Blog Needed The Hits

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KFC Double Down
http://www.kfc.com/doubledown
242 East 14th Street
New York, NY 10003

THE CONQUEST
When life gives you lemons, you're supposed make lemonade. So when KFC gives you a Double Down, you should make like a fat, disgusting, bloated bastard and in this particular case, drunken bastard and take one down!!

If you're reading this and you have no idea what at "KFC Double Down" is then either...
A. You don't live in the US.
B. You didn't go to Yahoo! or Twitter today when it's release became a trending topic.
C. Burger Conquest is your only source of news.
(I'm actually ok if "C" is the case!)

Regardless, in the name of good journalism, I will explain. KFC, the popular American-based food chain that primarily sells fried chicken, released a new product to the market today. It's called the "Double Down," - "two 100 percent all white meat chicken filets topped with cheese, bacon and the Colonel's Sauce." For those of you doing the math, that's 540 calories, 32 grams of fat and 1,380 milligrams of sodium. You can order the chicken breaded and fried or for the "health conscious," grilled 460 calories, 23 grams of fat and 1,430 milligrams of sodium.) It's the KFC / Chicken version of In-N-Out's "Protein Style" burger.

Monday, April 12th, 2010 was set as the date that the Double Down explode into the market place and your waistline. Somehow, not to be outdone, the KFC in New York's East Village was serving them the night of April, 10th. As much as I would like to tell you that I am just that plugged into the NYC food scene, it's just not the case. Truth be told I was out boozing it up at a local whiskey-tank and needed a breath of fresh air. I decided to pick up the night with an energy drink and as I rounded 2nd Avenue onto 14th St, heading for a bodega, I spotted it right the Double Down is here sign in the window. If This Is Why You're Fat had a Bat-Signal to alert "Gotham City" that danger was a foot, THIS WOULD BE IT!!!

THE DOUBLE DOWN
The calling was too great and resisting was pure fried futility. I wandered in and ordered not only the Double Down, but also the accompanying meal of potato wedges and of course, a Diet Coke. Thus bringing my intake totals to 800 calories, 45 grams of fat and 2,120 milligrams of sodium!! I took a hold of the bun-less sandwich with my signature Burger Conquest Left Hand Grab and shoved it in my face.

The first couple of bites were pure magical discovery. The batter was crispy but not too heavy with a salted and peppered bread taste. The sauce was tangy like mayonnaise meets BBQ sauce and or ketchup. The two slices of cheese and 2 slices of bacon made for a very salty center. It was like a pile of crunchy sodium and grease with a gooey sodium center. By the time I got to the end of the sandwich, I couldn't take a bite without immediately slurping down some Diet Coke after. The sandwich was overwhelming in every definition of the word. In fact, I was at a loss for words as a re-reading of my live Tw-eat revealed; " http://twitpic.com/1ernm3 - #KFC #DoubleDown #Fat #HelpMe"

I can only imagine how pitiful I looked - sitting there by myself in a KFC, drooling over a sandwich, drunk and taking photos. I finished up the sandwich (but not the wedges), slammed my Red Bull and my 5 Hour Energy and walked back into the bar. No one had even noticed I was gone and no one had any clue. In less than an hour, the Double Down had taken it's toll and despite the high levels of caffeine and liquid stimulants in my body, I was on my way home. My body felt like a battery that was quickly losing it's energy. I slept for nearly 8 hours (I average around 5-6) and wasn't hungry again until dinner time the next day.

It's 2 days later and I pretty sure my veins are filled with strips of bacon riding around in a river of the Colonel's sauce.


90% of 100% arteries clogged
-Rev